I Ain’t Break Nothing That’s Not Broke

You say you hate me. I can’t even be mad at you because I know that’s just fear talking. You fear your man isn’t happy and if you could just get me under control, you’d be good. You fear that if you actually held HIM responsible, you couldn’t justify staying with him. You fear the possible reality that maybe things are falling apart. Examine where your feelings are coming from. Don’t make excuses. Own it. Do you. But don’t blame the circumstances. Perhaps instead of putting so much attention on the “home wrecker”, you point that pretty little finger of yours back at the people IN the relationship. Yeah that means you too. But why would you want to do that?

I don’t desire to change your feelings or make you like me. Just some advice - continuously strive for awareness. If your man wants to be with you, nothing would keep him from that. If he doesn’t, well that sounds like a personal problem. Him leaving you has got more to do with your relationship and less to do with another person.

The idea that anyone has the power to break you lovebirds up is pretty impressive. With forces like that walking around, I can’t imagine anyone’s relationship surviving. With this kind of power though, I’d like to imagine people would be a little more creative than just taking your man. Let’s be real though. “I ain’t break nothing that’s not broke!”(this is an exclusive quote of mine, embrace it) That means you got the tense wrong when you blame someone for breaking up your happy home.



Deal with it.

Either Work Something Out And Love Him.

Or Let It Go.

Get It Right, Get It Tight

About a month ago I made a choice towards one of my goals for the year. I started seeing a physical trainer, who I will eventually tell you more about. To keep my ass in line, I’m posting these pictures up to show you where I’m starting from. Hopefully this will be entertaining…at least for you. I’m going to take pictures along the way and put together a slideshow or something to show the ~transformation~.

I’m preparing for this week of a lot of emotional, physical, and financial moves. To help, I’ve also decided to do all of my laundry today. I’m hating my trainer right now as the squats from yesterday are really kicking my ass going down the stairs. Each step requires me to make a weird face and brace myself, ouch. Nonetheless, it kind of feels good knowing that I have clean clothes, bedding, and a great ass ;-)

The Princess vs. Me

A few months back my friend and I started working on a book project. The research included dating, not with the goal in mind of finding the one – but about finding ourselves. The first thing she made us do was sign up for a dating site. That was the #1 thing I did not want to do. ::sighs:: As much as I want to be – I don’t want to be comfortable; I want to learn something valuable and I want to share it with you. In this online experience I had a chat with someone I was certain I was not attracted to. Because I knew that Kate would never give him the time of day, I said to myself – just talk to him, he’s just a person like you – just talk. I read his profile which was not what I was looking for but he had one quote in there that blew me away. We did not see eye to eye at all and it turned out to be one of the most stimulating chats I’ve had in a long time. I’m still not interested in meeting or talking to him after this, but I am grateful for what I was able to learn about myself.

He told me I was beautiful and I told him I loved his quote. “I believe, to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” Wow! Are you understanding what that says? I could write a book on the idea behind that alone. He went on to tell me how hard it is to trust people these days. Sweetheart, it’s not these days, it’s just people. Love is wonderful but it has nothing necessarily to do with trust.

To break this quote down more, I had to take the shirt off of the mannequin and try it on myself. Someone being able to trust you is a greater compliment than allowing someone to love you. Love is one thing, but letting them in deeper than that, letting them really see you is another. As far as what ___________’s lacking, he is more honest with me than her. Because of what I know about ___________, technically I can trust him more than his girlfriend can. Because he loves and chose her, I guess that doesn't make much of a dfference. So much for a compliment making you feel good, hah!

He asked me what kind of man I want to be with or what I am searching for? I told him “Well I know what I’m attracted to…if I had to choose “him” I know who it would be, but it can’t happen now if ever…but maybe it’s just because destiny hasn’t hit me yet…” I surprised (him and) myself with the clarity and complexity of my answer, as this person was a stranger.

He further explained himself to be a normal person looking for (insert positive qualities here), someone who thinks like a Princess. I told him I don’t fit into that category and that most guys go for that (the one I love included). He asked me why I thought that. I told him I felt that the Princess thing is a story. It’s really nice and beautiful and sweet. But I questioned if it was real and honest? If it was it alive? He said it was a story but it could be a real story. I said if you believe it, sure, then it’s real…to you. But isn’t there something more? Isn’t there more to people that the fairy tale they’ve been programmed to believe since they were children. He told me that he can think and make me a Princess. I said no. I am me. For you to make me into something would not be real. It would be the story you’re looking for and even if I played along, at some point, it would not sustain happiness. He said I would not be changed, that I would be the same Kate. I cut the conversation short after this as he tried to make more of a link up.

Oh man, he hit a nerve in me. This is a theory I’ve been toying with personally for years. I feel like the guys I’ve had the strongest feelings for end up loving me but when it comes down to romance, it comes down to me and the Princess…and the Princess is such a lovely story that that is who they end up wanting to live happily ever after with. I felt sad thinking about my own situation. I’m smart enough to pretend to be a Princess and stand a shot in his story, but I want him to love ME, to cherish me…not just some stupid story. I was in love with someone who had his Princess. He is too attached to his story to see he wasn’t happy happy…but they love each other and he so badly wants to believe that is enough. And if that is what he believes or wants to believe, I have to take that for what it is…he has to realize, to learn, to want more on his own…even if he does care about me and miss me as a friend & more…even if I love him.

The American Illusion

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Nothing thrills us anymore, no one kills us anymore.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPBbRCBX6Ow

“What would you attempt do if you knew you would not fail?” – Robert H Schuller

“Don’t die with your music still inside you.” – Wayne Dyer




There is more to you than where you live, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, the way you look, or what people think of you. How much more though?

Whenever you run into someone you haven’t seen a while, the same questions come up. How are you? Before either has a chance to give or listen and respond to an honest answer, if one is even offered, one will interrupt with something profound..Where are you working? And if we have something impressive to say we’ll deliver the information with a smile. If it’s not quite as impressive as one would like, they mumble out something that sounds halfway decent. And they’re both judging each other rather than loving each other.

When I speak to someone (in a possible dating way) I get asked unique questions like, “what do you like to do for fun?”

We are reading a script. We speak these words that perpetuate the same old ideas that we say we’re not like.

Is anyone else bored?

The American Dream is one of illusion. It’s where you live, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, how much money you have, the way you look, and what people think of you.

Life is about who you are, what you choose to do, and who you choose to spend your time with.

Dare to tear up the ordinary scripts. Try things. Figure out what you actually want. Think about genuinely connecting. Care and love just a little bit more. You may surprise yourself with what doors open up for you to receive.




What did you dream to be when you grew up and what are you doing now?

What are you passionate about?

Who are you?

Who do you want to be?

Comedian Mike DeStefano Passed Away March 6, 2011, Touched Our Hearts Forever

People make mistakes, are abused, have addictions, get sick, and are judged. People are hurting. Mike DeStefano’s comedy didn’t cure those things, but it made them better. He was wonderful. He was the type of wonderful you’d call a friend. He was the type of comedian that made you laugh from somewhere deep inside – from somewhere you maybe felt you weren’t allowed to before. His comedy made love out of pain. It was beautiful.


Mike wrote, “I might die tomorrow and you won't get a chance to see my show Drugs, Disease and Death: A Comedy by Mike DeStefano then you'll feel bad. Let's avoid all that and buy tickets,” on February 9, 2011. Damn…I do feel bad. I was lucky enough to see him perform soon after he was a finalist for Last Comic Standing – which by the way he should have won. No matter what words I choose…I don’t feel like I can say enough about him. He just made you feel good. He was nice. He was a tough New Yorker, and he was so nice.


"I've said everything I've ever wanted to say," said Mike DeStefano after the last night of his one man show Drugs, Disease and Death: A Comedy. Wow.


When I first heard Mike passed, I felt confused and a little angry. I had homework and I had to go to a class and I didn’t want to, I wanted to save him in some way. It just didn’t make any sense.


I remember pointing out one of his tattoos I liked as my friend and I chatted with him while he was next up on stage at the Cellar. I remember chatting with him on Facebook. I remember how he performed at a comedy show fundraiser Cringe Humor, my friend, and I put on to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Even though I can’t say I knew him how one of his buddies might, I still felt like I did know him…because he let me. He was real. He put himself out there in his shows as much as he did as a person.


After thinking for a while, all I could think was that God has got to have a crazy sense of humor with these fucked up lessons. People can laugh. Mike’s life taught us that you can survive a lot of bad shit…and you can still love and be loved…and you can still laugh.


Mike DeStefano shared on stage, "I am a stand up comic.  Before that, I was a drug counselor.  Before that, I was a drug addict.  Before that, I was 12!"  He touched a lot of people while making them laugh; that’s powerful. And we love him.


Thank you Mike D for keeping it real and keeping us laughing.

I Am On A Drug, It’s Called Charlie Sheen!

Jesus Christ (figure of speech) this guy is intense; you got to give this magic man some credit. He’s said enough shit to make a stand-up comedian’s career and like a hundred raunchy t-shirts – in one day! That’s kind of impressive. You cannot fault the man for being afraid to live, which is not something many can say. Personally, I find it hysterical that porn stars are coming forward calling Charlie Sheen out of control. They are pissed and rightfully so; this John is stealing their thunder! Charlie’s tiger blood makes America squirm and I love it.


People are afraid of Charlie’s honesty, jealous of his opportunities, and intimidated by his non-conforming choices. Some simply write Mr. Sheen off a crazy drug addict. Others stick up for Charlie claiming it’s sick that people watch him to feel good about themselves. Either way, it’s not that simple or personal. I could sit here and say how sick it is that people are eating up this guy’s mess but I think that’s pretty normal. People love to watch a train wreck, a fight, a conflict of some sort. Of course when seeing a disaster, people want to see a resolution (at least it’s comfortable to think so) to some extent. People enjoy sticky situations because it indirectly makes them feel good. For example, when you hear someone has a nasty cancer, you feel terrible for that person and hope that they can make it through. At the same time, one may have a renewed sense of appreciation for their own or a loved one’s life. It’s natural and I don’t think it’s something that is necessarily about right or wrong. It’s life.


Birds of a feather Mr. Sheen, birds of a feather. I must confess a lot of what he’s been saying resonates with me. Moving on from my love of his non-conforming thoughts, his shaming of judgment leans on the hypocritical side. Everyone’s entitled to pursue their happiness and everything but that becomes debatable when it’s done at the expense of others. In one breath he’s dodging attacks, calling everyone judgmental (which yes they can be). In the next breath he’s calling everyone fools and trolls. Charlie’s recent delusions of grandeur have been met today with his kids being taken away from his home. He calls out his ex-wife publicly on her parenting for doing this meanwhile he’s been on this attention-hungry rampage defending his lifestyle choices which have included incidents where his kids may have been affected.


As entertained as I am, and I am, Charlie’s super low is on the other side of this super high manic episode. His can-do bi-winning persona is lovable but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just a mask he developed as a reaction to the pressure and criticism of being in the public eye. Celebrities are de-humanized. Deep down people feel some pleasure in seeing someone rich and famous suffer and hurt other people just like everyone else. No one, not even Charlie Sheen is immune to the negative effects of drug abuse. His body is looking pretty hot in comparison to his face though, right?


Well, as excited as we all are to seeing what Charlie Sheen will do next..

What have you been up to that makes you feel alive?


Winning.

Bang!

Love