The Princess vs. Me

A few months back my friend and I started working on a book project. The research included dating, not with the goal in mind of finding the one – but about finding ourselves. The first thing she made us do was sign up for a dating site. That was the #1 thing I did not want to do. ::sighs:: As much as I want to be – I don’t want to be comfortable; I want to learn something valuable and I want to share it with you. In this online experience I had a chat with someone I was certain I was not attracted to. Because I knew that Kate would never give him the time of day, I said to myself – just talk to him, he’s just a person like you – just talk. I read his profile which was not what I was looking for but he had one quote in there that blew me away. We did not see eye to eye at all and it turned out to be one of the most stimulating chats I’ve had in a long time. I’m still not interested in meeting or talking to him after this, but I am grateful for what I was able to learn about myself.

He told me I was beautiful and I told him I loved his quote. “I believe, to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” Wow! Are you understanding what that says? I could write a book on the idea behind that alone. He went on to tell me how hard it is to trust people these days. Sweetheart, it’s not these days, it’s just people. Love is wonderful but it has nothing necessarily to do with trust.

To break this quote down more, I had to take the shirt off of the mannequin and try it on myself. Someone being able to trust you is a greater compliment than allowing someone to love you. Love is one thing, but letting them in deeper than that, letting them really see you is another. As far as what ___________’s lacking, he is more honest with me than her. Because of what I know about ___________, technically I can trust him more than his girlfriend can. Because he loves and chose her, I guess that doesn't make much of a dfference. So much for a compliment making you feel good, hah!

He asked me what kind of man I want to be with or what I am searching for? I told him “Well I know what I’m attracted to…if I had to choose “him” I know who it would be, but it can’t happen now if ever…but maybe it’s just because destiny hasn’t hit me yet…” I surprised (him and) myself with the clarity and complexity of my answer, as this person was a stranger.

He further explained himself to be a normal person looking for (insert positive qualities here), someone who thinks like a Princess. I told him I don’t fit into that category and that most guys go for that (the one I love included). He asked me why I thought that. I told him I felt that the Princess thing is a story. It’s really nice and beautiful and sweet. But I questioned if it was real and honest? If it was it alive? He said it was a story but it could be a real story. I said if you believe it, sure, then it’s real…to you. But isn’t there something more? Isn’t there more to people that the fairy tale they’ve been programmed to believe since they were children. He told me that he can think and make me a Princess. I said no. I am me. For you to make me into something would not be real. It would be the story you’re looking for and even if I played along, at some point, it would not sustain happiness. He said I would not be changed, that I would be the same Kate. I cut the conversation short after this as he tried to make more of a link up.

Oh man, he hit a nerve in me. This is a theory I’ve been toying with personally for years. I feel like the guys I’ve had the strongest feelings for end up loving me but when it comes down to romance, it comes down to me and the Princess…and the Princess is such a lovely story that that is who they end up wanting to live happily ever after with. I felt sad thinking about my own situation. I’m smart enough to pretend to be a Princess and stand a shot in his story, but I want him to love ME, to cherish me…not just some stupid story. I was in love with someone who had his Princess. He is too attached to his story to see he wasn’t happy happy…but they love each other and he so badly wants to believe that is enough. And if that is what he believes or wants to believe, I have to take that for what it is…he has to realize, to learn, to want more on his own…even if he does care about me and miss me as a friend & more…even if I love him.