Love Is Like Cars

Love is like cars.  I’m not a big car person but let’s pretend I am.  In fact, let’s pretend we all are.

Your first car is awesome. At least you think so. Why is it so special? It’s the first time you get to drive, your first taste of a new kind of independence. You are so fucking excited to be driving for the first time, you could have Fred Flinstone’s car and actually be running barefoot on the pavement beneath your seat, but it’s your first car and and it’s your experience. You will never be able to re-experience your first and that in itself makes it special. This is a strong love experience. Many of you will mistake this love for your dream car, especially if you have this hoopty for a while.  In the long run, this car usually costs much more than it's worth.  But you're inexperienced, so just try to learn as much as you can.  You may not want to believe this but you will survive.  When it does break down, try not to blame them or yourself for the rest of your life.

Then there’s that Ferrari.  Let’s pretend this is your dream car.  It’s sophisticated, fast, dangerous and expensive. But my oh my, do you feel alive! It eats gas, the insurance is expensive, and you’re likely to get into an accident. And when you do crash, you swear it off and convince yourself of something silly like you always only wanted a reliable car. You declare ridiculous things like even if you had the money you wouldn’t keep it, or you wouldn’t stay in NY, etc. Baby if you had the money, why wouldn’t you exactly? For those of you that believe they have truly succeeded on letting him/her go, you’re either better than me or you’re still driving your hoopty or even better, found a reliable one.

And at last there’s the reliable car. It’s a compact sedan…probably Honda, Toyota, or Hyundai. You know consumer reports rated this well, it does good on gas & insurance, and your friends & family all pat you on the back for a good choice. It gets you from point A to B, it has a decent resale value, it’s a smart choice. Almost everyone else has the same one, and don’t forget now…you made a great choice. And…you secretly hate it. I mean you love them, but do you really like them? You make a great team, but where is the passion? You have sex with them, but it’s not the freaky things you used to want to do. It’s not organic. I’m not hating on compact sedans…because everyone can be and have a Ferrari…but not to just anyone.

If you were the only car you would have for the rest of your life, could you be content?  Until you are grateful for what you got all by yourself, no one will be able to fill that void you couldn't deal with yourself.  (I didn't say they couldn't distract you.)  I mean you could always get the reliable car, pop out babies, and fit nicely into society without ever having to explore yourself again, but is that really what you were going for?  I'm not telling people to stop driving, falling in love, or wanting families but maybe before hopping into the next car...you should take a good look under your own hood.  See what's going on.

Life is too short to settle. Oftentimes it’s risky and you can never be guaranteed. Sometimes it means of getting rid of something that’s generally good and not broken. Sometimes it means losing more than anticipated and having to start from scratch. And if you’re really lucky, sometimes it means the ride of your life. It won't be easy to get there but neither is holding a box of regrets.  Shhh, no one’s looking. What do you really want?

random thoughts

I don’t find much pleasure in the typical spring break, obnoxious, young adult mentality. Don’t get me wrong – I love hanging out with friends. I like to relax, drink, and vacation. I just don’t get why most people are so consumed with nonsense they don't actually enjoy. My interests would probably seem like nonsense to them so I guess that's fair. I almost enjoy people that make fun of me. I'm suspicious of praise and compliments, although I like them. I'm paranoid. I can be obsessive but that fuels my artistic side too. Without passion, where would my work go? What would my love be? I feel like my passion is as much a part of me as breathing. I can't imagine life without it. I scare myself and love it simultaneously.

I find humor; I have to. It would be hard to find reasons to live without being able to find humor.  I always find it amusing when people say I’m always smiling.  I tell them I have two choices.  I find or make a reason to smile, or I kill myself.  That usually makes people squirm, and I usually enjoy people squirming, but I don’t get this one.  I can be hysterical or I could want you to leave me alone. What tends to amuse me is contrary to common amusement. I'm a little sick and perverted. I'm a little normal too. I like treasure like Gollum, exude Angelina Jolie's sexuality, believe in love like a fairy tale, funny like a screwed up stand up, want peace like Gandhi, want peace of mind like Bob Marley, and I'm loyal like your best friend. I'm unadulterated, raw, and wild. I'm beautiful and ugly and that's perfect. I want the best. I want sincerity. I want real. I don't want a second rate version. I could use a little more of a backbone. Although when I'm honest I'm told I'm brutal and mean. It confuses me. So I often choose to just be quiet. But my friends tell me I can't shut up. I'm a walking contradiction. And I hate hypocrites, haha go figure.

Recession or Renaissance?

Remember back in elementary school how uncomfortable that kid made you feel? You know the one that prolonged the lesson in class by asking why or pointing out the exceptions? That was me. I had a great childhood that wavered on the sheltered side. Then life kicked the shit out of me real good. And more than just humble me, I was scared. I knew that I could do and be great, and I feared that too. I struggled with thoughts of these safe job paths while yearning to be in harmony with who I am. I took for granted my gifts of creativity, thought, and connection. Rather than embrace them and empower myself, I threw my gifts in a box underneath my bed and labeled them crazy. I put a mask on. I belittled the headstrong person I am and allowed myself to be small. I conformed and acted as a tool in someone else’s plans.

Recession. For many it seems like the easy streets to making money have turned into dead ends. Some people are truly struggling to put food on the table and can’t think much further than that right now, some people are working what they can until they figure out something better, and some people are taking what they can get because they believe they are defeated. Frustrated ones are looking for something deeper, because if they can’t make the money anyway, doesn’t it kind of make sense to finally listen to your joy? People feel down and out and some are getting tired of feeling down and out. And yet still, there are some people that are making it as if nothing happened.

Can you see rainbows on the horizon, or does it just look like rain? Personally, it feels like I’m observing this whole big mess. Being that I followed my own path a.k.a. did my thing (not so much the college thing) while making a slew of mistakes, the money situation is no better or worse in my mind than it’s ever been. Society’s been asleep for a long time and just maybe this recession is the cold wet blanket you needed. Everyone’s been getting by on autopilot. People are finally getting uncomfortable enough to start to realize that so much of their lives have been dictated. You are starting to wake up. As people are scrambling, I am fascinated by the possibilities. I think it’s pretty cool that so many people are uncomfortable at once that it’s jolting people to think. Call me a hippy but I feel like what so many people perceive as a distress is just as much an opening for a rebirth. This energy has the potential of a Renaissance. Love this time.

Our souls don’t grow being comfortable. We grow through challenge. Being open to these challenges allows us to become closer to our authentic self.

In what ways has this recession limited you?

In what ways has this recession liberated you?

Easy Bake Oven

My friend told me if your feelings are so strong why don’t you just go there and reach out to him. Just go for it. What is she crazy? Is she trying to use my own blog against me? When I said ‘own it’, I was merely giving great advice. She further weakened me with a quote (I have a quote thing), “Never give up on something, you can’t go a day without thinking about.” As bitchy as we can come off, we are romantics…which makes me think of that quote from Vicky Cristina Barcelona, “Only unfulfilled love can be romantic.” I don’t want to ruin what I know is there…and I don’t know if part of it is because I’m afraid of hearing what I don’t want to…because even if the words are spoken that hurt me…I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the connection that is there is real and could not be nullified with a few words. One day even if one of us chose to turn our backs to it, the truth will still be the truth.

When I was little I wanted an Easy Bake Oven bad. I wasn’t allowed to use the oven in the kitchen, that was mommy’s. I wanted my own. My parents told me I “cried a river” for it…and eventually I got my oven. Only it wasn’t an oven – it was a box with a light bulb in it. A light bulb, seriously? What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

What if I go for it and get it? What happens if I don’t? I guess I’m saying I’m more afraid to give up hope just for a lousy light bulb. How have you bargained for denial rather than disappointment?

I Ain’t Break Nothing That’s Not Broke

You say you hate me. I can’t even be mad at you because I know that’s just fear talking. You fear your man isn’t happy and if you could just get me under control, you’d be good. You fear that if you actually held HIM responsible, you couldn’t justify staying with him. You fear the possible reality that maybe things are falling apart. Examine where your feelings are coming from. Don’t make excuses. Own it. Do you. But don’t blame the circumstances. Perhaps instead of putting so much attention on the “home wrecker”, you point that pretty little finger of yours back at the people IN the relationship. Yeah that means you too. But why would you want to do that?

I don’t desire to change your feelings or make you like me. Just some advice - continuously strive for awareness. If your man wants to be with you, nothing would keep him from that. If he doesn’t, well that sounds like a personal problem. Him leaving you has got more to do with your relationship and less to do with another person.

The idea that anyone has the power to break you lovebirds up is pretty impressive. With forces like that walking around, I can’t imagine anyone’s relationship surviving. With this kind of power though, I’d like to imagine people would be a little more creative than just taking your man. Let’s be real though. “I ain’t break nothing that’s not broke!”(this is an exclusive quote of mine, embrace it) That means you got the tense wrong when you blame someone for breaking up your happy home.



Deal with it.

Either Work Something Out And Love Him.

Or Let It Go.

Get It Right, Get It Tight

About a month ago I made a choice towards one of my goals for the year. I started seeing a physical trainer, who I will eventually tell you more about. To keep my ass in line, I’m posting these pictures up to show you where I’m starting from. Hopefully this will be entertaining…at least for you. I’m going to take pictures along the way and put together a slideshow or something to show the ~transformation~.

I’m preparing for this week of a lot of emotional, physical, and financial moves. To help, I’ve also decided to do all of my laundry today. I’m hating my trainer right now as the squats from yesterday are really kicking my ass going down the stairs. Each step requires me to make a weird face and brace myself, ouch. Nonetheless, it kind of feels good knowing that I have clean clothes, bedding, and a great ass ;-)

The Princess vs. Me

A few months back my friend and I started working on a book project. The research included dating, not with the goal in mind of finding the one – but about finding ourselves. The first thing she made us do was sign up for a dating site. That was the #1 thing I did not want to do. ::sighs:: As much as I want to be – I don’t want to be comfortable; I want to learn something valuable and I want to share it with you. In this online experience I had a chat with someone I was certain I was not attracted to. Because I knew that Kate would never give him the time of day, I said to myself – just talk to him, he’s just a person like you – just talk. I read his profile which was not what I was looking for but he had one quote in there that blew me away. We did not see eye to eye at all and it turned out to be one of the most stimulating chats I’ve had in a long time. I’m still not interested in meeting or talking to him after this, but I am grateful for what I was able to learn about myself.

He told me I was beautiful and I told him I loved his quote. “I believe, to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.” Wow! Are you understanding what that says? I could write a book on the idea behind that alone. He went on to tell me how hard it is to trust people these days. Sweetheart, it’s not these days, it’s just people. Love is wonderful but it has nothing necessarily to do with trust.

To break this quote down more, I had to take the shirt off of the mannequin and try it on myself. Someone being able to trust you is a greater compliment than allowing someone to love you. Love is one thing, but letting them in deeper than that, letting them really see you is another. As far as what ___________’s lacking, he is more honest with me than her. Because of what I know about ___________, technically I can trust him more than his girlfriend can. Because he loves and chose her, I guess that doesn't make much of a dfference. So much for a compliment making you feel good, hah!

He asked me what kind of man I want to be with or what I am searching for? I told him “Well I know what I’m attracted to…if I had to choose “him” I know who it would be, but it can’t happen now if ever…but maybe it’s just because destiny hasn’t hit me yet…” I surprised (him and) myself with the clarity and complexity of my answer, as this person was a stranger.

He further explained himself to be a normal person looking for (insert positive qualities here), someone who thinks like a Princess. I told him I don’t fit into that category and that most guys go for that (the one I love included). He asked me why I thought that. I told him I felt that the Princess thing is a story. It’s really nice and beautiful and sweet. But I questioned if it was real and honest? If it was it alive? He said it was a story but it could be a real story. I said if you believe it, sure, then it’s real…to you. But isn’t there something more? Isn’t there more to people that the fairy tale they’ve been programmed to believe since they were children. He told me that he can think and make me a Princess. I said no. I am me. For you to make me into something would not be real. It would be the story you’re looking for and even if I played along, at some point, it would not sustain happiness. He said I would not be changed, that I would be the same Kate. I cut the conversation short after this as he tried to make more of a link up.

Oh man, he hit a nerve in me. This is a theory I’ve been toying with personally for years. I feel like the guys I’ve had the strongest feelings for end up loving me but when it comes down to romance, it comes down to me and the Princess…and the Princess is such a lovely story that that is who they end up wanting to live happily ever after with. I felt sad thinking about my own situation. I’m smart enough to pretend to be a Princess and stand a shot in his story, but I want him to love ME, to cherish me…not just some stupid story. I was in love with someone who had his Princess. He is too attached to his story to see he wasn’t happy happy…but they love each other and he so badly wants to believe that is enough. And if that is what he believes or wants to believe, I have to take that for what it is…he has to realize, to learn, to want more on his own…even if he does care about me and miss me as a friend & more…even if I love him.

The American Illusion

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” – Henry David Thoreau

“Nothing thrills us anymore, no one kills us anymore.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPBbRCBX6Ow

“What would you attempt do if you knew you would not fail?” – Robert H Schuller

“Don’t die with your music still inside you.” – Wayne Dyer




There is more to you than where you live, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, the way you look, or what people think of you. How much more though?

Whenever you run into someone you haven’t seen a while, the same questions come up. How are you? Before either has a chance to give or listen and respond to an honest answer, if one is even offered, one will interrupt with something profound..Where are you working? And if we have something impressive to say we’ll deliver the information with a smile. If it’s not quite as impressive as one would like, they mumble out something that sounds halfway decent. And they’re both judging each other rather than loving each other.

When I speak to someone (in a possible dating way) I get asked unique questions like, “what do you like to do for fun?”

We are reading a script. We speak these words that perpetuate the same old ideas that we say we’re not like.

Is anyone else bored?

The American Dream is one of illusion. It’s where you live, what car you drive, what clothes you wear, how much money you have, the way you look, and what people think of you.

Life is about who you are, what you choose to do, and who you choose to spend your time with.

Dare to tear up the ordinary scripts. Try things. Figure out what you actually want. Think about genuinely connecting. Care and love just a little bit more. You may surprise yourself with what doors open up for you to receive.




What did you dream to be when you grew up and what are you doing now?

What are you passionate about?

Who are you?

Who do you want to be?

Comedian Mike DeStefano Passed Away March 6, 2011, Touched Our Hearts Forever

People make mistakes, are abused, have addictions, get sick, and are judged. People are hurting. Mike DeStefano’s comedy didn’t cure those things, but it made them better. He was wonderful. He was the type of wonderful you’d call a friend. He was the type of comedian that made you laugh from somewhere deep inside – from somewhere you maybe felt you weren’t allowed to before. His comedy made love out of pain. It was beautiful.


Mike wrote, “I might die tomorrow and you won't get a chance to see my show Drugs, Disease and Death: A Comedy by Mike DeStefano then you'll feel bad. Let's avoid all that and buy tickets,” on February 9, 2011. Damn…I do feel bad. I was lucky enough to see him perform soon after he was a finalist for Last Comic Standing – which by the way he should have won. No matter what words I choose…I don’t feel like I can say enough about him. He just made you feel good. He was nice. He was a tough New Yorker, and he was so nice.


"I've said everything I've ever wanted to say," said Mike DeStefano after the last night of his one man show Drugs, Disease and Death: A Comedy. Wow.


When I first heard Mike passed, I felt confused and a little angry. I had homework and I had to go to a class and I didn’t want to, I wanted to save him in some way. It just didn’t make any sense.


I remember pointing out one of his tattoos I liked as my friend and I chatted with him while he was next up on stage at the Cellar. I remember chatting with him on Facebook. I remember how he performed at a comedy show fundraiser Cringe Humor, my friend, and I put on to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Even though I can’t say I knew him how one of his buddies might, I still felt like I did know him…because he let me. He was real. He put himself out there in his shows as much as he did as a person.


After thinking for a while, all I could think was that God has got to have a crazy sense of humor with these fucked up lessons. People can laugh. Mike’s life taught us that you can survive a lot of bad shit…and you can still love and be loved…and you can still laugh.


Mike DeStefano shared on stage, "I am a stand up comic.  Before that, I was a drug counselor.  Before that, I was a drug addict.  Before that, I was 12!"  He touched a lot of people while making them laugh; that’s powerful. And we love him.


Thank you Mike D for keeping it real and keeping us laughing.

I Am On A Drug, It’s Called Charlie Sheen!

Jesus Christ (figure of speech) this guy is intense; you got to give this magic man some credit. He’s said enough shit to make a stand-up comedian’s career and like a hundred raunchy t-shirts – in one day! That’s kind of impressive. You cannot fault the man for being afraid to live, which is not something many can say. Personally, I find it hysterical that porn stars are coming forward calling Charlie Sheen out of control. They are pissed and rightfully so; this John is stealing their thunder! Charlie’s tiger blood makes America squirm and I love it.


People are afraid of Charlie’s honesty, jealous of his opportunities, and intimidated by his non-conforming choices. Some simply write Mr. Sheen off a crazy drug addict. Others stick up for Charlie claiming it’s sick that people watch him to feel good about themselves. Either way, it’s not that simple or personal. I could sit here and say how sick it is that people are eating up this guy’s mess but I think that’s pretty normal. People love to watch a train wreck, a fight, a conflict of some sort. Of course when seeing a disaster, people want to see a resolution (at least it’s comfortable to think so) to some extent. People enjoy sticky situations because it indirectly makes them feel good. For example, when you hear someone has a nasty cancer, you feel terrible for that person and hope that they can make it through. At the same time, one may have a renewed sense of appreciation for their own or a loved one’s life. It’s natural and I don’t think it’s something that is necessarily about right or wrong. It’s life.


Birds of a feather Mr. Sheen, birds of a feather. I must confess a lot of what he’s been saying resonates with me. Moving on from my love of his non-conforming thoughts, his shaming of judgment leans on the hypocritical side. Everyone’s entitled to pursue their happiness and everything but that becomes debatable when it’s done at the expense of others. In one breath he’s dodging attacks, calling everyone judgmental (which yes they can be). In the next breath he’s calling everyone fools and trolls. Charlie’s recent delusions of grandeur have been met today with his kids being taken away from his home. He calls out his ex-wife publicly on her parenting for doing this meanwhile he’s been on this attention-hungry rampage defending his lifestyle choices which have included incidents where his kids may have been affected.


As entertained as I am, and I am, Charlie’s super low is on the other side of this super high manic episode. His can-do bi-winning persona is lovable but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just a mask he developed as a reaction to the pressure and criticism of being in the public eye. Celebrities are de-humanized. Deep down people feel some pleasure in seeing someone rich and famous suffer and hurt other people just like everyone else. No one, not even Charlie Sheen is immune to the negative effects of drug abuse. His body is looking pretty hot in comparison to his face though, right?


Well, as excited as we all are to seeing what Charlie Sheen will do next..

What have you been up to that makes you feel alive?


Winning.

Bang!

Love

10 Ways To Love Yourself Now

Happy Valentine’s Day! Is it just me or did that almost sound like screeching? Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day tends to invoke insecurities rather than the tv & movie style romances. This is partially due…to the tv & movie style romances. While wonderful and sometimes relatable, they’re so often obvious, unsophisticated and petty. During this “holiday”, single people feel like they’re alone and should be with someone while coupled people are wondering why the magic they should feel isn’t there or short-lived. Nonetheless, everyone’s got their game face on. Not to burst anyone’s bubble, ok to burst anyone’s bubble…many relationships aren’t working because – dun deh dah dah – they aren’t working. Everyone’s scared. Scared to be alone, scared to face the truth, scared to face themselves, scared to be uncomfortable, scared to deal with their own failures, scared to figure out what to do if they weren’t exactly where they are, scared to risk with someone they really love because they’re so sure it won’t last so they play it safe. And they’re stuck. We’re stuck. And it is scary. But isn’t it just a little scarier to let your whole life pass wondering what if? So where can we start? Make a choice. Start with you.

10 Ways To Love Yourself Now


1) Positive affirmations.
Recite them to yourself in the mirror – morning and night. (Good or bad) Habits are formed after 21 days. Start a good one today.

“Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.” – Maya Angelou
“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us” - Friedrich Nietzsche
“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” – Mahatma Gandhi


2) Fall in love – with yourself.
List your positive qualities and/or some nice things you’ve done for others. In third person, write a letter expressing gratitude for these qualities and acts. Mail this letter to yourself. It will be a nice change of pace amongst the bills; it might even make you smile.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha
“You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” – Wayne Dyer
“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi


3) Relax your mind.
Go for a long walk. Get a massage. Do something to pamper yourself. You deserve it.

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking” - Friedrich Nietzsche
“Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler.” Friedrich Nietzsche
“To enjoy life, we must touch much of it lightly” – Voltaire


4) Make a date night with some friends.
Choose a restaurant you like or plan to stay in and cook up your favorite meal. Dress up, use accessories, spray perfume or cologne, drink wine, laugh, be silly and take pictures.

“Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.”
“You’ll never again be as young as you are in this moment.”
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

5) Write out your 5 year plan.
Dig deep into your soul. Where do you want to see yourself in 5 years? What would you have to do each year, month, week, day to get there? Be specific. Write it down. Put together a vision board. You can do it.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou
“Fortune favors the bold.” - Virgil


6) Make a difference.
You have a lot to offer. Find a way to express your goodwill. Sometimes it’s as easy as being a good listener. Reach out to a friend that may be going through a rough patch, volunteer - at a nursing home, a big brother/big sister organization, or a soup kitchen. Explore the many ways you can help others.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Mahatma Gandhi
“Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do” – Voltaire
“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.” – Buddha


7) Forgive yourself.
Acknowledge your mistakes, take responsibility, and gently forgive yourself. Be tender, patient and loving.  Practice positive self talk.

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.” – Buddha
“To understand everything is to forgive everything” – Buddha
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." – Kahlil Gibran


8) Practice Self Love.
(If you don’t already have one) Use a removable showerhead and get accustomed with the different settings to find out what pressures work best for you ;-) Play sensual music.  Figure out what you like to feel.  Find your pleasure.  Perfect it.

“Self-love is the instrument of our preservation.” – Voltaire
“To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others” – Buddha
“Anything you really want, you can attain, if you really go after it.” – Wayne Dyer


9) Enjoy your own company.
To be of value to others, first learn to be happy by yourself. Go out, go shopping, have a meal, watch a movie, check out a museum, read, explore your thoughts, work on a hobby.

“We must be our own before we can be another's.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” – Buddha


10) Keep a Journal and Pray.
Be honest with yourself about your thoughts and feelings. There is no good or bad. Write them down. Reflect. Practice introspection. Hope.  Humble yourself.  Pray for your soul and the souls around you.

“By ignorance we mistake, and by mistakes we learn” – Proverb
“Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.” – Wayne Dyer
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” – Mahatma Gandhi


What ways to love yourself can you add to the list?

I Just Want You To Know, Nothing’s Gonna Happen..

One of my best friends just told me about a situation he had with a new lady friend. My friend said he knew as soon as she said, “I just want you to know, nothing’s going to happen” that this meant sex would probably happen…and it did. Let’s talk about the double standard for men and women when it comes to sex. It’s not socially respectable for women to openly admit they want sex as much as men do which is kinda funny when you think about it as just about as many women have to be having sex as much as men, right? So why does the double standard exist? A large part may be due to the physical differences. Men can get off easier and have less to lose. For women sex can potentially hurt, require more concentration and technique to get off, and if pregnancy does occur – all options are painful. So in order to really enjoy sex women have to be more involved as they have more risks to think about. Then of course there’s society. Women are socially groomed to view sex as a deep emotional bond and are shamed to enjoy it, while men can (supposedly) separate sex from love. Sometimes we downplay our feelings, we play it cool and we think we’ve sort of won something if it turns out to be a turn on. But then by sounding too casual, we run the risk of reducing the meaning in a relationship. It sucks because we can’t be honest – and we’ve played this game for so long, I don’t even know if we truly know how to be honest about it, even to ourselves. So we continue to dance.

How many people out there meant it when they heard or said “nothing’s going to happen.”?

Don't Try To Shove That Thing Down My Throat, Make Me Want It!

Kiss It
I Groomed For You
Did You Get My Pic?
Send Me One Of Your Ass
Thirsty? I Got Something You Can Drink
I Just Want To Put It In Once
Come On, Please Just Kiss It

::YAWNS::
Seriously? That’s not sexy, that’s one-sided. You know what is sexy?  Not just wanting to make the other person pleasure you, but sincere joy as a result of your partner’s pleasure.  Think about your favorite person…what did you like about them? Was it how you pushed them to pleasure you or how they pushed you to pleasure them?…or was it because you both genuinely enjoyed each other's pleasure? When you’re with someone, exclusive or not, it’s hot to feel when you’re with them – that you’re actually with them and that what each of you want and enjoy actually matter.  Maybe that can only exist if there’s an authentic bond. While I can’t guarantee the energy between two people, relationships, even sexual ones, require a general respect for each other and themselves that I just don’t know if many people are willing and able to give.

An ideal mate is someone I can truly love, respect & trust as a friend, with at least half a brain, a few interesting quirks, that can show me as much as they say, with an amazing sense of humor, who is passionate about me and on top of all that – a crazy intense sexual/soul connection I can’t deny.

How would you describe your ideal mate?

Own It!

Own it.  I’m sick of hearing it.  I’ve heard it, I’ve said it, I’ve lived it…stop.  Take a moment.

...breathe...

You know what you have to do.  You want to be with someone you damn well know is no good for you, you want to leave someone you used to be head over heels for…stop giving reasons or making excuses why things are...

Admit it already, this story you're telling is a tired one.  Stop lying to me - you're no victim.  Have the decency to at least be honest with yourself.  You'll know better either way.

Sweetheart, life is not fair or guaranteed.  And it goes terribly fast.  Go for it.  Own it.

This Kiss

So my friend went on a date with this guy last week that she’s not super attracted to but I think she genuinely likes him as a person. He tries to be funny, he’s persistent, and keeps hinting how they should be sex buddies. And talking about how he’s going to kiss her – ew. Guys, please note that if you want to have a great kiss, we don’t need or want an introductory speech or play by play. We are aware what a kiss is. If we want it to happen it will, and all the coaxing beforehand is just going to slim down your chances. Grab your balls and do it already, and if we let you – rejoice and continue, and if you get shot down – deal with it.

My best first kiss… He was a good friend. He didn’t ask and went for it, I hesitated and pulled back. He was a little embarrassed then I came through. It was freaking awesome – soft, sensual, wet, tingly all over, and perfect.

What was your best first kiss and why?

Ophiuchus - Fact or Fiction?

I’m sure you’ve heard by now that your zodiac sign may not be what you’ve grown to love and call daddy.  I feel robbed, confused, and mislead.  So what astrologers are trying to tell me is that I’m an Aries instead of a Taurus?!  Apparently the signs we think we are - are so 3000 years ago.  MMmmMM..I think I still want to be the passionate, luxury-loving, sensual, and stubborn Taurus.  I love astrology as much as the next sucker but I can’t imagine the job offers are knocking down the doors for astrologers.  Times are hard and this recession has obviously made way for creative thinking.